A Note to My Future Ex-Husband is a journal excerpt from August 2011.
Its always better to realize your own stupidity sooner rather than later. Even if sooner is still painfully late. It’s nobody’s fault. It’s the way we always were and that was fine for a time. It just started to become less and less fun, and more disturbing. I probably didn’t really believe it was ALL your fault in the first place. It was just a convenient belief to hold for a time while I whipped everything around me into a frenzy of … frenziedness. Even without you, I still managed to end up in the wrong places. Some part of me thinks I’d rather be in the wrong places with you than without, but we know that spells trouble. Not so good to hang out with the pizza delivery guy if you have a pizza problem. See, now that makes it a little bit funny… It was easier to be less addicted when I was pushing you away. At least for a week or so. And now you’re so great, I’m just stuck with you. Who else would I be looking for??
Hmm who else can we hang out with and what other problems can we have? Of course, there is the obvious, gambling, sex, Hmmm…how about couponing?? Do people see extreme couponing as a problem? I mean, I guess it’s overboard, and you probably don’t buy organic. If two of these women got together, that would more likely create problems for other people trying to shop. No, mac and cheese, no mustard, none of this left on the shelves at your nearest HEB. Nuh-uh, not with these two coupon crazies. How much of a city block would two hoarders take up? Maybe a community of hoarders. Like a hippie commune, but for hoarders.
I need to spend more time reaching out. That’s why I like to be alone a lot because it eventually forces me to reach out. Eventually.
Oh, dear. Its been two months and I still don’t have a job. Only one interview and like 50 applications. Shit. I’m screwed. There are problems at home. Sometimes I just want to strike out on my own again, but shit here I am unemployed. Can’t really do anything. Stuck in stuck town. Then, on the other hand, I sometimes want to stay here and make things work with my cute little family, in our cute little house.